Cancellation: Easy as A-B-C

Over the past 15 years or so, ABC has made a habit of developing great shows that it has no idea what to do with. My So-Called Life. Sports Night. Relativity. Cupid (which is actually being remade by the Alphabet for midseason, so it could meet the same fate twice). Nothing Sacred. High Incident. Murder One. Miracles. Eyes. The Nine. The list goes on and on.

Now we can add two more: Eli Stone and Dirty Sexy Money, both of which will be gone after they complete their 13-episode orders for this season. (Pushing Daisies is a goner, too, though my own personal feelings about the show keep me from including it on this list.) Of course, neither of these cancellations comes as any surprise. The shows were ratings-starved almost from the beginning, and their second seasons were likely born more out of need than want. Last year's writers' strike hampered development, giving these lower-rated shows the opportunity to try again. Unfortunately, their returns were met with the same degree of viewer indifference the second time around.

Dirty Sexy Money defined the term "guilty pleasure." And even though it has struggled a bit creatively this year (Dexter's Daniel Cerone was brought on as executive producer in between seasons only to be let go before the fall relaunch), the Darling clan still made for deliciously scandalous TV. But the real loss here is Eli Stone, a sweet-natured drama that tried to do something that few shows ever attempt--make a difference in the world. Eli the prophet no doubt had many lessons to teach us about life and love.

Pity poor Greg Berlanti (as much as you can pity a Hollywood millionaire). Both Money and Stone operated under his tutelage. At least he still has Brothers & Sisters to fall back on. Let's hope ABC knows how to handle that gem.

A Friday Goodbye

"New York, New York" marks another heartbreaking farewell on Friday Night Lights after last month's bon voyage to Smash. This time around it's Jason Street (Scott Porter), determined to start a new life with his girlfriend and infant son, even if it means moving all the way to New Jersey. Street uses the same skills we've seen him use as a car salesman to convince his football player friend that he's signing with the wrong sports agency. In the process, Street manages to land himself an entry-level agency job and reunites with his new family. Just how emotional a moment is it? Well, it takes a lot to bring Tim Riggins to tears, but damned if he doesn't get choked up, happy for his best friend's success but devastated to see him move so far away. It's a shame that the show's third-season budget wasn't big enough to keep Porter (and Gaius Charles' Smash for that matter) on as a regular. Since the beginning, he's played the paraplegic Street with minimum self-pity and maximum heart. He's a terrific role model for the youth of Dillon and his presence will be missed.

And no writeup of this show would be complete without a mention of what may be TV's most engaging married couple ever. Coach and Tami (Kyle Chandler and Connie Britton) argue over whether they can afford to buy their dream house, with Coach being the pragmatist (he's clearly still worried about the overtures of replacement that cast a pall over the first few games of the season) and Tami the idealist (she's all about envisioning barbecues and Gracie Belle playing in the backyard). In the end, no offer is made, but the way these two argue and makeup--respect is paramount--is worthy of being taught in college courses.

Remotes Down, Hands Up

Top Chef, one of TV's best reality-competition series, returned this week, and it was great to see head judge Tom Colicchio (brutally honest but always classy) out there with his whistle for the first Quickfire challenge. It seems to be a tradition for these Bravo shows to set us up for the first elimination with a soundbite of a contestant (or in Top Chef's case, "chef-testant") confidently assuring us that they won't be ousted prematurely. Such was the case with Lauren. "I'll be damned if I go home early," she said, before being whisked off on a New York ferry for making a subpar apple dish.

As happens too often with reality shows in these early rounds, there are simply too many contestants and not enough time, leaving viewers with no real sense of who these people are until the competition is whittled down to around ten or so people remaining. So far, producers have spent the most time with dueling Europeans Stefan and Fabio, the former possibly being set up as this season's Marcel. There's also wacky Carla, whose "spirit guides" were supposed to lead her to create a great dish, but apparently led her astray instead. And Team Rainbow, made up of the house's three gay contestants, as if being gay somehow automatically makes a person more interesting. It doesn't. Nor does it make one a good chef, as Patrick, one of Team Rainbow's members, was told by host Padma Lakshmi to pack up his knives. Two down, fifteen to go.

With Friends Like These...

Dexter continues to experience something he's never before known in his life: friendship. Miguel Prado (Jimmy Smits) knows Dexter's secret (as much as Dexter as lets him know, anyway), and celebrates it rather than being disgusted by it, like Dex's father Harry was. Prado even goes so far as to tell Dexter that he respects him, words Dexter almost assuredly never thought he'd hear in relation to his serial killer peccadillo. One of the great things about Dexter is its ability to deliver twists the viewer truly doesn't see coming. The Ice Truck Killer ends up being Dexter's long-lost brother. Doakes is framed as the Bay Harbor Butcher. And now Prado, Miami's ADA, is aiding Dexter in his quest to rid the world of scum. Of course, Prado doesn't know that Dexter's proclivity is less about magnanimity and more about quelling his "dark passenger." But who cares? For once in his life, Dex can be himself without having to worry about the repercussions. Or so we're being led to believe.

Following Dexter on Showtime Sunday night is perhaps TV's dirtiest show, Californiation. There's more than enough sex and drugs to go around on this laugh-out-loud, darkly hysterical comedy, which stars David Duchovny as Hank Moody, a writer who can't figure out how to do things right, but isn't always completely in the wrong, either. For example, Hank will forever be known as the "mouth rapist," a decidedly unpleasant moniker he received after stumbling into a dark room he thought was occupied by his wife and performing oral sex on another woman. Duchovny is perfectly droll in a role that comes across as all-too natural, especially considering his recent stint in rehab for sex addiction. Also doing great work here is Evan Handler (Sex and the City), an agent recently fired after being caught on tape repeatedly masturbating in his office. Handler's Charlie is now investing in a pornographic film called Vaginatown; last night, he had to act as stunt penis when too much cocaine left the film's star unable to perform. Starting to get the feel of the show? These people aren't like anyone you know, and if they are, you need new friends. I hear Dexter's on the market...